I dance a few different dance forms where you dance with both men and women. I had a month last year where I remarked to a friend of mine that all of my best dances had been with men. Many of these came when I was in the lead role and they the follow.

The dances with men were better because they were so much more present in the dance – not necessarily mentally but physically. When dancing with women I often found that they listened beautifully (meaning within the dance) but in their following they were always yielding. When I moved forward they were leaving. When I provided them with a door to move through they were exiting.

I started wondering at the difference in the training of these follows. Most of the men in the follow role had come from learning first to lead. They had learned something from the duality of lead and follow that was very important to their presence in the dance. They had learned that good following isn’t about yielding it’s about *meeting*.

Meeting means always physically giving back into the dance. When I press, they press back, not to resist but to connect. When I ask they agree, or bring in their own idea. From this position of equality within the dance (not gender equality but seeing the role of follow as being equal in the movement of the dance to the lead) they were a matched part of the conversation.

I have since found this with women and men in the follow role and in learning to follow myself I have taken this idea to heart. I’ve also enjoyed playing with this idea in dance because of how it reflects back on life. To follow a leader does not mean to yield to them. It means to meet them. To dance with someone who yields is like dancing alone, the same is true on a team. Sure we can all put out a good groove on our own, but we can create something profound if its greater than the sum of one.