“I don’t want to admit this — because I don’t like to need things — but this is exactly what I need.” said a private student of mine after a recent session of learning to use a longsword.

There are times when we need to do something physical to feel connected with ourselves. Not just physical with our own bodies but to connect with another in a physical way. Whether that’s swordplay, dancing, or just a nice hug or cuddle. Yet there is a pervasive message that many struggle with that life must be a solitary journey. That it is essential that we be able to stand alone and unbending. Weather the storm alone and strong.

I leaned in and said to her “This is exactly what I needed too.”

That afternoon I had been struggling with my own stresses and swirls of emotion. I had gone into that session feeling rather ungrounded but as soon as I was on the floor helping teach someone and doing something as essential to me as swordplay I felt immediately more right in the world.

Sometimes we need to feel needed. Being the cog that fits into the right place at the right time is a reassuring thing. In that moment I could tell that I was working with someone who not only had a desire to learn swordplay but also needed some time away from the rigours of their own struggles, needed to be grounded, and connected to someone else, and that was something that I could provide.

So often we worry that our own state of ungroundedness or neediness will put others off kilter. That it will be a burden that we’ll be forcing them to carry. Yet one’s burden is often another’s reward. The fact that she was willing to share a bit of that burden with me, served me, grounded me, helped me feel connected in a way that I was in need of. It was amazing how something so simple could be so profoundly rewarding.

Share your needs with others. Maybe helping you is the help that someone else needs.