I like to say that I come by my confidence honestly. I have never been meek but I have had a lot of challenges of self worth to work through. Every area where I stand strong now I’ve had to come through from a place of weakness.

I have had a lot of luck on my side. I’m a tall, good looking, white man in the patriarchal western world. I have a body that serves me well and a mind that is sharper than most. Yet for all that I’ve struggled with self-image, and self-value. Until recently I struggled with connecting with people in a way that did not compromise myself — I was a loaner for self-preservation. I developed a strong sense of fairness and a non-judgmental nature because I so feared being treated unfairly, and I so feared the judgment of others.

My biggest barrier to growth, connection, and dreams, has been fear. I’ve been paralyzed by it, locked down by it, too intimidated to face it. I have compromised myself because I was too afraid to stand up to others. I have been a liar because I feared the conflicts that came with integrity. I have been a cheater because I feared the rejection of failure. I have placed others ahead of myself because I didn’t feel I was worth placing first.

Not worthy of pity; too talented for my own good.

I like to say that I come by my confidence honestly because I’ve had to stare each of these demons in the face. I’ve had to nurture each one of the small children inside me one by one. I’ve done my best to not put on bravado, or to cover my weaknesses with the worst kinds of lies, the ones you tell yourself. I have had the good fortunate of learning the art of compassion. Through that compassion I have been able to practice patience, uncover each wound, stare in each dark corner, and start to raise each of those children, transform and turn away each of those demons. Through compassion I have learned to gently see my ugliest places and in seeing them I have been able to slowly change them, through an honest choice to be different. Through a willingness to imagine something different, try on something different, while loving who I am now.

I’m still on this journey. I still struggle with fear and doubt. I still have to remember to be compassionate to myself. I still have to gently encourage myself to stare into those ugly corners. But I’ve made it a long way.

You can too.