Being critical of ourselves or others is a pretty common affliction. I say affliction as there are certainly places where we want to be critical and judge the merits of a particular action or interaction. However this type of behaviour often brings an emotional burden to it that shuts down communication both internally and externally.

In an interaction between two romantic partners the statement “you always do X” is a classic statement of judgment. This type of statement leaves no room for dialog or improvement.

When viewing your own performance saying “I really suck at X” goes beyond simply assessing a discreet occurrence to making a long-term judgment about your abilities.

In these situations turn off judgment and put on curiosity. Take a moment and decide to grab that feeling and embody it — use some of your method acting skills. We’re all familiar with this state. Curiosity is the wide eyes we see in a child, the nudging nose of a kitten, it completely lacks judgment and is completely open to learning.

Curiosity asks “what?” and “how?” questions that take you deeper without judgment. Curiosity avoids “why?” questions that often carry a conclusion along with the question. The tone of curiosity is innocent and exploratory, not heavy or decided.

Curiosity says – “What is this all about?”, “What leads to this happening again and again?”, “How can I do better?”, “What am I feeling right now?”, “How would someone else approach this situation?”, “What’s the outcome I am going for?”.

Curiosity takes joy in learning and brings optimism to life. Try it out. There is a lot to discover.