Recently a friend of mine commented that the only way to make friends in Vancouver was to sleep with them. This may seem like a crass comment, but he was genuinely saying that the closest people in his life are people that he’s been in intimate relationships with.

This is not the first time that I’ve heard something like this, and I certainly know some of my closest friends are people that I pursued romantically (whether successfully or not).

The beautiful thing about a romantic pursuit is that we take special time to get to know someone. Not only do we make dates, and seek to be open and connect, we also make an effort to share ourselves. Generally both sides of the equation are on the same track. They both want to know each other and figure out what the connection might be, where it might go, and the pursuit of depth is generally within the intention of those who are dating.

When we look at the development of friendships, we generally take a more casual approach. Not only is less time often made for making these connections there isn’t the same intention to see and be seen, to express and celebrate. There is not the same perceived impetus or payoff to be vulnerable (the cornerstone of true connection).

Why don’t we date our friends? Why not make special time to get to know someone deeply and share of yourself deeply? Your romantic pursuits can probably make a little room for a few budding friendships.