I have chosen a life that puts myself and my purpose very central. This choice has often taken me away from larger relationships. It has meant that I play a smaller role in my daughters’ lives. It has meant that lovers have often found themselves not getting enough of me to stay within a partnership.
I remember hearing an interview with Paul Watson of the Sea Shepherd Society about his challenges maintaining longterm relationships. This is a person who is obviously driven by a deep passion, whether you agree with it or not. In the interview he talked about how he was married for the third time and that he has been part of what he feels is an inevitable pattern in his relationships — A partner is drawn to him because they share his values and celebrate what he seeks to do in the world, but as their investment in the relationship increases so do their needs and eventually his life of being at sea doing activism becomes too distancing and the relationship ends. When I heard this interview I thought “Hunh. Sounds familiar.”

Many people have expressed to me a moral view that I should prioritize relationships ahead of purpose. Truthfully I am considering where relationships fit in my life but it frustrates me that we put this judgment onto people now and yet revere leaders, inventors, and innovators of the past who have had a profound impact on our world yet have been absent from relationships in their lives. No one says “I wish Tesla had spent more time developing his personal relationships instead of inventing”.

I want to be impactful in the lives of my daughters. But what if to have my greatest impact in the world I cannot be as strongly in the lives of my daughters, family, and lovers? I imagine I’d have to endure moral judgments until history can write my tales as good or ill. I know that this could signify a personal sacrifice for me that I might regret later. I know that it would influence the lives of my daughters – though its hard to know truly what this impact would be. We only have conjecture based on the experiences of others. Of course I value those who have chosen to be fathers and mothers and profound partners as their priority. I also value those who have chosen other roads, because I know any road outside of convention tends to be unpopular, yet so many of them are truly needed and are truly beneficial.

I’m wrestling with this now and I think it’s an idea worth wrestling with.