Untying the Knot

Sometimes when I feel really afraid of something. Deep in the pit of me afraid. I take that fear and I go off into a room with it. I close the door and then I close my eyes. I dive down into that space where the knot is. Often it feels like it’s in my stomach but sometimes it’s in my back or my gut. When I get to the knot with that inner view I start to gently feel my way around the surface. I ask myself questions. I pickup a strand “What about this makes me feel this way?” and I follow it as far into the knot as I can go “If that thing I fear happens, then what?” until I find the tightest spot, my most tender place. Sometimes at this point I need to bring my focus back to my breathing. I need to breath deeply into the knot, let out some tears, relax my shoulders, my back, my heart. Then I gently pickup another strand.

I want to know my knots. I want me to know that I can handle my knots. That I’m up for looking in my dark places and my most wound up parts. That they can be untied and usually that feels a lot better. The place under all that rope needs some air, needs some room to breath, needs a better home than the tight confines of a knot.