Use a Self-Improvement Mantra as Your Password

I’m a fan of changing my thinking or philosophy through mantras. My current system involves choosing an area of focus and putting a positive statement about that area on my todo list. Everyday when I hit that item I stop and consider that mantra and try to carry it with me through the rest of …

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Mating in Captivity – A Cleverly Titled Book by Esther Perel

I’m reading an excellent book right now, Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel. The book does a beautiful job of exploring the dichotomies in our relationship between love and sexuality. One of the main topics of exploration in the book is the often inherent conflict that comes between creating security and calm in a romantic …

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Don’t Boost People Up – Help Them Boost Themselves Up

When someone is down in the dumps, often the worst thing you can do is try to boost them up with praise. 1. This is often a waste of your breath. If someone is stuck in a negative space, they’re often resistant or even obstructive to efforts to pull them away from their current position. …

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Be Principle Centric

You can’t truly control others, circumstances, or even your own feelings but you can choose where you place your focus. I recommend placing your focus and your practice (how you challenge and measure yourself) on principles or virtues that can lead you in a powerful direction. I am personally focusing on integrity – the alignment …

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Making others feel good instead of helping others be good

“In your relationships, are you concerned about making others feel good about themselves or are you concerned with making them feel good about you?” This question was posed by David Hoyt, in a recent blog post on John Maxwell’s blog. As a leader I certainly started as the latter and have over time developed myself …

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Support Others in Being Assertive

I appreciate people who are assertive. Particularly when it comes to looking after their own boundaries and needs. Especially if I’m the one who might be treading on them. Supporting the assertiveness of those around you has a number of benefits: 1. If the people around you look after themselves, you don’t have to. The …

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Why All This Emphasis on Talk-Intimacy?

Is talking the best way to build intimacy? We put so much emphasis in our modern loving relationships on expressing our souls through our words. Knowing and being known through our ability to express our emotions in prose. I am fortunate that I have always been a good speaker; however even with that, I have …

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Value the Best Idea Instead of Your Ego

It’s easy when considering ideas to consider personalities, likes and dislikes, ego, and hierarchy. The healthiest teams and the most successful people put these things aside and value their ideas based on their merit. Becoming merit focused takes a great practice of integrity. I say ‘practice’ because integrity takes practice. Don’t think of it as …

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Considering Alternate Family Formats

I’ve recently spent a few days visiting some close friends abroad. I was in town specifically to visit them and not to be a tourist, so I had a lot of time just hanging out in their house and doing things with their family. Within about a day I easily slipped into a routine and …

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Choosing to Connect or Reject

Every time there is a reason to push away there is an opportunity to move in. We have all experienced moments of rejection. A moment when we have felt outed from a group. Pushed away from a loved one. Patronized by a friend. In these moments it’s easy to play into our own stories of …

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