Mating in Captivity – A Cleverly Titled Book by Esther Perel

I’m reading an excellent book right now, Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel. The book does a beautiful job of exploring the dichotomies in our relationship between love and sexuality. One of the main topics of exploration in the book is the often inherent conflict that comes between creating security and calm in a romantic …

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Making others feel good instead of helping others be good

“In your relationships, are you concerned about making others feel good about themselves or are you concerned with making them feel good about you?” This question was posed by David Hoyt, in a recent blog post on John Maxwell’s blog. As a leader I certainly started as the latter and have over time developed myself …

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Support Others in Being Assertive

I appreciate people who are assertive. Particularly when it comes to looking after their own boundaries and needs. Especially if I’m the one who might be treading on them. Supporting the assertiveness of those around you has a number of benefits: 1. If the people around you look after themselves, you don’t have to. The …

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Why All This Emphasis on Talk-Intimacy?

Is talking the best way to build intimacy? We put so much emphasis in our modern loving relationships on expressing our souls through our words. Knowing and being known through our ability to express our emotions in prose. I am fortunate that I have always been a good speaker; however even with that, I have …

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Choosing to Connect or Reject

Every time there is a reason to push away there is an opportunity to move in. We have all experienced moments of rejection. A moment when we have felt outed from a group. Pushed away from a loved one. Patronized by a friend. In these moments it’s easy to play into our own stories of …

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Create Buy-in Instead of Issuing Orders

Giving an order without buy-in creates resentment and sabotage. If I command you to do something that you do not agree with, the only thing keeping you in-line is your fear. If instead I collaborate with you to create buy-in, then you do the thing not because you want to please me or avoid punishment, …

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Withdrawing and Moving Forward into Wholeness

In my life it’s very important to feel centred. Centred is to be over my feet and balanced emotionally and spiritually. I often feel pulled on by strong connections. They can tug on the parts of me that feel a need to please others, or when I extend myself vulnerably, or when I receive someone …

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Conflict Avoidance is Resolution Avoidance

Meeting resistance, obstruction, defensiveness, or down right obstinance can be intimidating. Strong views and strong emotions can easily trigger an emotional reaction in you and those reactions can be uncomfortable. Often it seems easier to simply avoid these types of conflict and do your best to cope with the problem you’re dealing with than move …

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Fathers and Sons; Teachers and Students

When I was a young boy I remember truly revering my father. He was intelligent and wise, he read to me, shared insights into the world around me. He read me the hobbit, introduced me to Narnia, he taught me how to play cards, play chess, and got me hooked on strategy games. My dad …

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Don’t Get Snippy – Staying Receptive in Learning

I had an experience recently in a class where a friend who teaches dance (at a much higher level than I do) gave me a correction in form. It got my back up and I snipped back at him. The class wasn’t a form class, it was a class on teaching dance, and at that …

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