This is part of an exploration of Power, Partnership, and Symmetry. The relationship between an employer and an employee should truly be a partnership and we should count ourselves fortunate to live in a western society where legal and social structure generally support the ability to approach this relationship as such. Each side provides a needed service to the other. Read More …
Relationship asymmetry is often seen to create a “power-dynamic”. The employer-employee relationship is stated to be one of power where the boss wields power in the imbalanced relationship with the worker. The landlord-tenant relationship is another where what the landlord offers up is different than what is offered on the other side, and again many would tell you a terrible Read More …
The nuclear family is a relatively new western invention. The idea that your life romantically and supportively should be based around a single partnership, largely to the exclusion of all others, is actually quite a strange one. Recently I had someone lecture me on the wisdom of having more than one source of support in my life. Their argument was Read More …
Alright feeling and expressing emotions [link] is great but what do I do if as soon as I say how I feel the other person explodes? Emotions can be like dynamite. Useful in industry but highly dangerous for children. Most of us are still children when it comes to emotions and like children to act responsibly we need structure. If Read More …
Just like pain, hate is inevitable. I used to really struggle with hate and haters. I wanted everyone to like me. I wanted everyone to be alright with me. To see what I had to offer. Being hated, or rather wanting to not be hated, was connected with a desire to be liked by everyone. To legitimize a sense of Read More …
Recently a friend of mine commented that the only way to make friends in Vancouver was to sleep with them. This may seem like a crass comment, but he was genuinely saying that the closest people in his life are people that he’s been in intimate relationships with. This is not the first time that I’ve heard something like this, Read More …
How special a thing it is to be truly seen and in that seeing to be taken and accepted as you are. I feel this is one of the truest ways we can express love for another. Much of our time as modern humans is spent creating and maintaining a projection of ourselves even to those we feel closest to. Read More …
Last summer, on a quiet crisp night I went on a starlit walk with a beautiful woman. We sat on the seawall (a waterside walk in Vancouver) and stared at the moon on the waves, our arms around each other. We told funny stories, held hands, shared things we had not shared with each other before, she felt good against Read More …
I abhor the idea that love must be symmetrical: “The one who loves the least, has the most control.” Perhaps this connection of love and control comes from an unhealthy relationship with love. One where we ask love to take over our lives, to rescue us from ourselves, to fill all of our holes and hurts, and then rely on Read More …
My people share with me on the deepest levels. They share their fears and sorrows, their funny stories and foibles, their biggest failures and their biggest joys. My people know me and are known to me. They see me through all my bullshit and love me anyway. Even when I try to hold them out, there is little I can Read More …